You know sometimes after you’ve heard people talk over and over about something your curiosity twitches restlessly and you just have to jump on the bandwagon too? You know when that bandwagon turns out to be filthy dirty and full of mysterious men with a penchant for fucking, not making love, much to the heartache of a whimpering, naive heroine?
Fifty Shades of Grey is the book that everyone has been taking about. Even the husband somehow knew it was one of those books when my nosyness got the better of me half way around Sainsburys and it found its way into the trolly, nestled between two pints of milk and a packet of baby wipes.
Fifty Shades is a whole lot of smexy rambling and very little plot so there’s actually not much I can say about it.
Instead, here is a bona fide list of fifty shades of grey. I made it especially for you. You don’t have to thank me.
- Old dish water wallowing in the sink
- The sky
- Those knickers that I really should throw out
- The white towels that the husband put in with coloureds
- The white clothes that the husband put in with coloureds
- A hangover
- Life
- The universe
- Everything
- Tom Jones
- That stain on the carpet
- The sea
- Hertfordshire
- Manhole covers
- The flu
- Sushi
- Space themed Lego
- Chewed pasta
- Damp newspaper
- Porridge
- Ghostly reflections
- Tarnished silver
- The car
- The conservative party
- Mother and toddler groups
- Hoovering
- Monday morning
- An ash tray
- Sunday night
- Old man teeth
- The bath
- Mist
- Pigeons
- The dust under the sofa
- Cement
- 3am
- Trackie pants
- Sadness
- Every cat in the dark
- The brain
- Morality
- Rain
- The tuft of hairs right at the front of my head
- Tin foil
- Cold pizza
- Mushrooms
- Doctors waiting rooms
- Old man beards
- Old lady beards
- A packed commuter carriage on a slow train
Squeal, woah and eeeeeeeee! We’ve been nominated in two categories and would love, love, love if you voted for us. Thank you x
