As a woman of the world currently struggling with the weekend from hell I have decided to impart my wisdom. After careful thought and plenty of time spent finding the right words I have finished my detailed and thorough collection of self-help guides. Expect to see them on the shelves of all good book shops any time now.

How to…Live with your parents after nine years of absence.

Don’t.

How to…Deal with tantrums, teething and the terrible twos.

You can’t.

How to…Be everything to all people.

Impossible.

How to…Find five minutes of each day to sit down/scream/breathe/relax.

Hahahahahahahaha.

How to…Maintain a healthy and happy marriage.

The silent treatment.

How to…Have a restful nights sleep.

Zzzzz…wha…? Sleep?

How to…Have a nervous breakdown.

Combine all of the above.

So…how’s your weekend going?!