I’m on a bit of a roll with my Day Zero list at the moment – I think it’s the competition that has sparked between me, Love In The Nest and Mum of One that’s kicked me into action! Today is the turn of item 15 on my list: Answer the “50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind”

This was actually really hard! The questions made me think too much and I spent a while typing, deleting and re-writing…This is the result. I am posting it as it is, for the fear of wanting to go back over it again and change 90% of the answers. Be warned, it’s long!

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

I would be as old as I felt. There is something quite appealing about the idea of an interchangeable age.

Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Never trying is far worse – If you never try you never know. And I would rather know and fail and wonder what if…

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

Because the grass is always greener? Because we always want what we don’t have? Because we need the idea of something ‘un-do-able’ to keep us going sometimes? Probably because the things that we don’t like are the things that have to be done (work, paying the bills, going to the dentist, picking wet towels off the floor) but the things we would like are the dreams…And how do we know if we would like them all that much anyway?!

When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

Absolutely, without question, undoubtedly, YES. I am not, nor have I ever been the most proactive person. I tend to only get up and go for something that I am hugely passionate about and anything less simply falls by the wayside. I talk more than I do. But I don’t see that as a bad thing – words can last generations in the right hands.

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

All the answers I have managed to come up with I don’t like because they would have an effect on the roots of what makes people, places, cultures and ideas different. And without that the world would be pretty boring. But as I have to answer, I will have to say the unfairness. It’s the lesser evil of all my other ideas. There is all kinds of unfair things happening around the world, take that away and heaven knows what would happen, but it’s the best I can do!

If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Teaching, writing, being creative in some way…Being a mummy, a wife and a friend…

Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

I am lucky enough to be able to say, right now, I am doing what I believe in. Having a family is all I’ve ever wanted and I’ve managed to make myself a pretty good little one really.

If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

Exactly the same, but in fast-forward!

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

As a total control freak that believes in fate, this is a tricky question. I have controlled what I can and not tried to influence what I can’t.

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

The perfectionist in me is more worried about doing things right, the nice person in me wants to do the right things. It’s a battle.

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?

Possibly lose a little respect and admiration and respect for said people. And then I would defend the absent friend or end the conversation.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Be yourself. Always.

Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yes. Every time.

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Insanity can breed creativity, and creativity can breed insanity. So yes.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

I can only choose one thing?! For a bit of light relief from all the deep(ish) questions – Bolognaise. I don’t know anyone who cooks it like I do!

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Because we are all different. I would hate for all the things that made me happy to make everyone else happy too. Life would be boring without difference and variety.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?

I would absolutely love to write a book, or to have something published. Time and self-confidence are holding me back.

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

There are still elements of my past hanging onto my mind. I think we all have that.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

I would hate to move abroad, being around my family is hugely important to me and I would hate to live without that.

Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

If I am in a rush (or trying to stop anyone else getting into the lift) then yes I do. No, it doesn’t make the lift go faster, yes it relieves my nervous tension!

Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

A joyful simpleton, definitely. Being a genius is something I imagine could become a bit of a burden at times, I am much more suited to a carefree, joyous simple existence.

Why are you, you?

The logical side of me says genes, nature, nurture…and all that. But they’re a pretty boring reasons right?

I am me because that is who I am. I have tried, several times, to change me or to create a different me, even to hide the real me. But being me is definitely the right way to be.

In the words of Dr Seuss: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

I am always the kind of friend I would want as a friend.

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

Losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you. Good friendship was be sustained over miles, when a friendship just dies – that can be heart breaking.

What are you most grateful for?

My family. Simple as that.

Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

This is such a hard question. My past made me who I am, but my future holds a lot of potential and things to be discovered. Can I not do half and half?! I think I would have to lose all of my old memories. Not being able to make new memories just seems like too much to miss out on, and days would be spent dwelling on the past, never knowing the now.

Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

The absolute truth doesn’t need challenging.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?

I have many, many fears! I am, and always have been, a worrier. Worry often creates fear. But, thinking back, none of them have ever come true. And that’s actually pretty eye-opening to know!

Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?

I have had to really rack my brain to go back five years. But the distant memories of being upset have absolutely no relevance now. Other than in a way they led me to where I am and who I am today.

What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?

I have lots, but the stand out one is my little brother being born. I remember it so vividly and it was such a family occasion in my two yearold eyes. I remember the excitement and wonder to this day.

At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

My wedding day. I felt like I had never felt before, I could see my whole life ahead of me and it was exciting.

If not now, then when?

I can’t answer this! There is no reason behind why I put off the things that I put off. Must try harder.

If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

Absolutely nothing. Everything is worth a good shot if it’s what you want.

Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

The people that I am the closest to can do that with just a look sometimes.

Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Because passion, belief and strength of feeling provoke defence when challenged. It is not the religion itself that causes wars but the believers. Sometimes to protect the freedom to believe, sometimes war is hidden behind the excuse of religion.

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

No. Everything has the potential to be both good and evil. Or to be used for good and evil. The boundaries can blur together in some situations.

If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

I really like to think that I wouldn’t. Now, it would mean I could stay at home and be a mummy for as long as I was needed, without any financial pressure. But in the future, I want to have a purpose other than ‘mummy’, work would be for me, I would have the luxury of being able to do pretty much anything without worrying too much about being able to pay the bills at the end of the month.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

More work that I enjoy doing please – But with the odd day off!

Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

Occasionally I really get that feeling. But today is not one of those days.

When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

I do that most days. Every day is the dark, every day the soft glow is me.

If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

This is a horrible question! I would want to spend time with my immediate family, and with the husband and Boo. It doesn’t even bear thinking about!

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

No! Although I am sure if you asked me the same question about ten years ago I might have said yes.  I would rather be average and a nobody than traffic stoppingly gorgeous or famous. Aside from the obvious ‘shallow’ comment, fame comes at a price and beauty is objective.

What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Experiencing, trying and feeling.

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

At the earliest point that you can. I am a big procrastinator and it rarely pays off.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Because making a mistake doesn’t teach us not to make other mistakes, it teaches us not to make that mistake. Every mistake has a different consequence.

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

A few years ago, everything. Now, I am much less bothered about being judged. Judgements are usually too far off the mark to be true and living behind that fear can be crippling. Although motherhood is a different kettle of fish all together and currently the main area of my life where not only do I fear judgements, they are very quick to be made. But I am trying to overcome that!

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

I concentrate on my breathing a lot; be it to blank out thoughts, relax, or try to fall asleep at night.

What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

Boo and the husband. And I hope they see me expressing my love for them every day in everything I do.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?

I hope I will remember snippets. In reality, I know that time is flying as Boo grows up more and more each day I need to keep reminders of little things to keep the memories alive in my mind.

Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

For the first time in a long time I am making the decisions for myself. And it feels good.