Monthly Archives: April 2012

Absence

I’ve been here in spirit only for the last few weeks. Pining away for my blog like I used to pine for ex boyfriends; desperately wanting to tell them something but not being able to call them anymore. But nothing’s changed, my blog is still here. I could have written if I had wanted.

And I have written. There are snippets and essays and novels and doodles and stuff everywhere. It all remains unpublished though.

At the beginning of April, Beans was with the husband while I was far, far away at my parents. And then the husband felt poorly and I found myself offering to swoop in and rescue him, take the toddler away and allow him to rest and recuperate.

It was an out of body experience, before I realised what I was saying and what it meant Beans was here and the husband was there. What have I done?

My first day alone with her was terrifying. I scraped by piece by piece, hour by hour.

I just need to make it through to 9:30am.

I just need to make it through to 10:30am.

I just need to make it through to 11:30am.

I made it. I more than made it.

Since then, with intermittent visits from the husband Beans has stayed with me. Because I don’t want to let her go.

So why haven’t I blogged? I’ve been telling myself that it’s because I’m too busy, too tired, too focused on other things. While all of that is true, none are the real reason.

Truthfully, I don’t want to embarrass myself or jinx anything if I whisper that things have been ok only for them to rocket back into a downward spiral again.

Most importantly, for the first time I have been enjoying being a mummy. Savouring all the time I’ve spent with my nutty toddler and her kisses and cuddles and giggles and tantrums. Everything else has taken a backseat and all my energy has gone into pushing aside all my worries and negative thoughts, like a heavy velvet curtain, to let the light in.

I no longer see myself as that girl who has postnatal depression that got so bad she didn’t move for a week and thought that she was dying. I’m that girl who is fighting, recovering, living. Laughing. 

And that girl is back.

The Best Chocolate Cake

The best thing you will EVER bake

Ultimate Chocolate Cake

A super moist cake for the best chocolate hit you can take out of the oven.

Ingredients:

  • 175g self-raising flour , sifted
  • 3 tbsp 70% cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp instant espresso coffee powder (optional)
  • 175g butter , completely softened, plus extra for lining the tin
  • 175g golden caster sugar
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 3 eggs
  • 1-2 tbsp milk
  • 100g 70% dark chocolate , melted and cooled
  • 1 tbsp double cream

Icing:

  • 500ml double cream
  • 500g milk chocolate , chopped

What to do:

The icing takes a while to cool and thicken up so works best if you make it first.

Chop chocolate into a bowl. Heat the cream in a pan until just simmering and pour over the chocolate immediately. Stir, stir and stir some more until all the chocolate is melted and mixed well into the cream.
Allow to cool and then chill until really thick and spreadable. (Takes around 30-45 minutes).

Heat the oven to 180C/fan 160C/gas 4. Base-line (just the bottom of each tin) 2 x 18cm sandwich tins with baking parchment and grease with butter.

Melt the chocolate and add the cream. Set aside to cool.

Put 3 tbsp of the flour from the full flour amount and put back into the flour bag – the cocoa powder will make up the difference, honest.

Beat together the butter and sugar in a large bowl before slowly adding the eggs, flour and milk.

Once the mixture is smooth add the cocoa powder and stir until full incorporated.

Add the melted chocolate and cream mixture and stir like crazy.

(This cake takes a lot of beating so you could make it in a food processor to save your arms).

The cake batter should fall easily from a spoon, if it’s too stiff add a little more milk (or cream!).

Divide the mixture between the 2 tins and level. Bake on the top shelf of the oven for 20-25 minutes or until the sponge springs back when pressed.

Cool for 5 minutes before turning out onto a wire rack and allowing to cool completely before icing.

Sandwich the layers together with a little icing, then spread the rest on top thickly.

Devour.

Home Notes #2

Like a rare break in the clouds this week, the husband was here and lit up every day.

Seven days of teething, toddling and tantruming sums up how we all spent our time. The difference in how I feel when the husband is around is huge – affection, someone to talk to and the odd lay in and sharing of nappy changes really makes my life a little easier.

In an effort to keep up the momentum of all the positivity we made sure that we got out of the house and walked. Even in the rain. An hour spent jumping in puddles and returning home with muddy knees, rosy cheeks and dripping hair is the sign of a good time.

These two...

toddler

Discovery

Home. Now

Favorite

The addition of my nephew to the weekend added to the mischief and resulted in what is one of my favorite photos of all time as they made a bid for freedom down the ally that we spent childhood summers in.

We celebrated the husbands birthday, Beans helping to unwrap all the presents before spending hours playing with piles of wrapping paper. I baked a cake for the first time in months and it turned out amazingly.

Twenty Something

*amaze*

We shopped, we cried, we lived, we loved.

Items of Value

toddler tantrum

Tantrum #5490423

We finally chose a comforter after over a year of encouragement but no attachment. It just had to be a throw large enough to cover a king sized bed! We remembered that doing things for ourselves is really important, whether that means climbing onto furniture without help or shutting the door for thirty minutes of uninterrupted crochet or photo editing. We were all happier for it.

Comfort

Light

Home Notes #1

Some weeks pass in the blink of an eye in a flurry of giggles and memories and fun and love. This week has been one of those.

We walked, me and Beans. We left the house alone together for the first time in months for our own little adventures. We felt the sun our our skin and the rain in our hair and we were a team.

smiley ball

Can we have our ball back?

Meg and Jeff have sad trainers

Charity shops proved fruitful and we indulged ourselves with pretty printed dresses (me), books and pretty bangles (Beans). She is fascinated with anything bracelet like and will sit happily putting them on and taking them off for ages. I have no idea where this obsession has come from but I am seeing overflowing dressing up boxes becoming a big part of her childhood.

bird dress

Find

childs bracelets

Bangles

We wore Minnie Mouse ears on our heads and peaked out from behind splayed fingers, giggling BOOs.

disney minnie mouse

Mouse

minnie mouse

Mouse

We jumped in puddles for the very first time, soaking our clothes to the skin before going inside for hot drinks and cuddles to warm ourselves up. We watched Mary Poppins, Beans pulled my old chair up to the TV and sat mesmerised and swaying to the music. Pointing to the dancing penguins and squealing with delight as they ran across the screen.

child jumping in puddle

Stamp

splashing in puddles

Splash

boots and puddles

Run

toddler watching tv

That!

New things are being learned every day, new sounds and games and songs and fun. We found ladybirds in the garden and held them gently. We learned new words and clapped our hands every time they were said. We drew and kissed and tickled. We proved that even though a girly girl is emerging, train sets are really really fun.

toddler holding ladybird

Gentle

toddler and train set

'Doodoo' (Choo choo)

What If…?

It was quite early on in my pregnancy when I decided that I would ideally like to have a homebirth.

I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to hospitals and the idea of being able to go through what would likely be the biggest, scariest and most painful moments of my life in the safe cocoon of my own home really appealed to me.

Homebirths however are not that popular these days and as people heard of my choice concerned advice and ‘you’re so brave to want that’ proclamations rained down on me. The biggest hurdle that I had to overcome was the husbands resistance to the idea. ‘Babies are born in hospitals, not homes. That’s just how it is’ he said when I first broached the subject with him.

I spent a lot of time scouring the internet for as much information and statistics as I could find regarding home birth versus hospital births. I openly admit to being a control freak and I felt I needed to arm myself with facts and figures to calm my own nerves and to win the husband around.

I found out what kind of care I would receive outside of hospital, what pain relief would be available to me, what would happen in an emergency and endless figures about scary things like mortality rates, hospital transfer rates and complication facts.

The husband warmed to the idea, fears put to rest by the promise of fantastic midwife care, and one night in late January 2011 I went into labour. Around twelve hours later, surrounded by three midwives and right in the middle of our front room, Beans arrived into the world and took her very first breath. A miracle.

I consider myself so lucky to have had the amazing birth experience that I did. Beans was born exactly where I wanted her to be and we were all safe, well and impeccably cared for throughout.

But what if I had never had that choice? What if I had to give birth at home, but I was alone with no health care professional there to help? I have sat behind the screen of my computer trying to imagine giving birth without the support and guidance of a midwife. The only word that I can come up with is terrifying. Absolutely, utterly terrifying.

What about the aftercare? The invaluable help with breastfeeding, weaning and what to do if your baby becomes ill – without that I would be absolutely lost.

Some people don’t have that choice.

Nirob’s mother Shipra lives in the village of Bosikali. Shipra has given birth to four children. In each instance, she gave birth at home without a doctor or trained midwife, and she did not receive any antenatal medical attention. Her first three children all died within hours or days of their birth (1 day, 6 hours, and 3 days respectively).

From April 23rd 2012 Save The Children are running the Build It For Babies campaign to raise money to help mums and babies in Bangladesh. A place where every hour of every day, 11 newborn babies die in Bangladesh. That’s about one every six minutes. That’s up to 960 newborn babies in the time that will pass between now and the start of the campaign. That is why we all need to do something.

Get involved, read more about the campaign here. Donate £1 by sending XVRL71 £1 in a text to 70070 – it takes less than 30 seconds and is so worth it. Help to spread the word by writing your own post and get involved in #blogitforbabies. You can even meet the legendary Mammasaurus for fun/humiliation/frolics all in the name of charity on her epic tour of the country.

As bloggers our capacity for promoting change is huge, it would be amazing if we could all really get behind Save The Childrens campaign.

*Featured Post* Surprising Things You Can Recycle Around The Home

Recycling is not only good for the environment but can also help save you money or even make you money. Weekly or fortnightly council collections have made recycling easy for getting rid of paper, plastics, cans, foil trays, cardboard boxes and garden waste but there is a lot more around the house that can be recycled – or, you could even sell unwanted DVDs for a tidy profit.

Recycling points usually found in large car parks can take glass bottles and clothing but if you have a pair of trainers that are past their best for recycling then you can take them to a Nike drop-off location for them to be recycled and turned into things like playgrounds, running tracks and new Nike products – they don’t even have to be Nike branded. If you don’t have a clothing recycling point then clothes could also be donated to charity, get a group of friends together to swap kids and adult clothing or sell them online at auction sites like eBay. If you’ve got a t-shirt or other special item like a girls dress you could make these into cushion covers.

Larger recycling points and recycling centres in the UK can take far more items including large household appliances, fluorescent tubes and energy saving bulbs, fridges, freezers, vacuum cleaners, electric toothbrushes, PCs and laptops, sports equipment, electric trains and car racing sets, TVs, car batteries, engine oil, wood and garden waste.

Ink cartridges can be recycled for free – Tesco offer 100 green Clubcard points for each one you donate with freepost envelopes available in store while Boots will give you 100 advantage card points and donate 20p to charity. Similarly you can get paid for recycling your old mobile phone at sites like Envirophone. Marks and Spencer have a site for recycling gadgets including mobile phones, laptops, digital cameras, MP3 players and sat navs so you can make money from your old gadgets.

Sell games online and unwanted DVDs at musicMagpie. By entering the barcodes from games, CDs and unwanted DVDs you can create a list of the items you want to sell, instantly see how much they’re worth and post them free so you don’t have to worry about postage costs. You’ll receive a cheque once they’ve received your items.

Rather than just binning empty skincare packaging, take the empty containers (doesn’t matter what brand) to an Origins counter and they’ll give you free samples of their products to try. Full size products are offered from April 21st 2012 while stocks last but smaller samples throughout the year.

If you’ve recently redecorated then keep any spare pieces of wallpaper which could be used to cover children’s books for school. Wallpaper is stronger and less likely to tear so offers greater protection than wrapping paper. Broken crayons usually end up at the bottom of the box so to get more use out of them and to even make them more fun for younger children, melt them down into moulds to create fun shapes. Ice cube moulds are perfect.

There are lots of ways to recycle old toys too. You can pass them onto friends, donate them to schools fairs to help raise money for the school, donate them to charity or local hospitals. If you’ve got a lot to sell whether it’s toys or clothes or other household items then you may be able to make a lot of money by selling them at a jumble or car boot sale. You will need to pay for a car/table to sell from but this could only be around £5-£15.

*Featured Post* Here’s How To Save Money On Your Bills

I think it is safe to say that money is a big issue for most people in the current climate. I personally have spent hours trying to find ways of making the monthly cash go further, and chatting to friends over coffee it seems to be a common theme.

It frustrates me immensely that the cost of bills is so high, companies seem to have us over a barrel and essential items escalate in price almost as you watch them. Then it occurred to me as I walked into the lounge the other night and turned on the light – switch!

Comparing energy prices sites pop up in my browser with annoying regularity but for some reason my quest to save money became a little bit blinkered and I found myself closing as a frustration rather than considering what they offer. Shopping around is pretty much the only way to keep energy companies on their toes. Unlike car insurance comparison sites if you run your electricity and gas usage figures in on a switch site, you won’t be bombarded with sales calls (which is a massive relief) There are just a couple of things you need to be aware of.

Different suppliers bill in different ways so make sure you have a like for like price check – normally you can input your annual bill amount, or your monthly bill amount – or your actual usage figures. Be as accurate as possible when you compare energy prices – otherwise your savings may not be as good as you expected and double check what they are offering. Be aware of companies offering a cap – this is where you pay a stunningly low figure but it is only for the first so many units use – after that the rate is much more in line with the competition. It may actually be the best deal – just watch the numbers.

In return for savings, companies will try and tie you in to a longer contract – this is not always a bad thing and can work to your advantage. However, I always find out what penalty is levied if the contract is broken early, and of course the all important contract length (24 months is a standard idea now). Sometimes the penalty is quite reasonable, meaning I will sign up, but perhaps complete the exercise again halfway through the contract period, just to make sure I am still getting the best.

Just like Eeyore, companies have extra carrots! Paperless billing and direct debit payment being the obvious ones – basically you reduce their administration so they pass savings back – don’t expect miracles – it is a small bonus only.

On the subject of billing, when you switch most companies take an initial reading then have a helpful

chart which shows them how much a ‘normal’ household of your size should use – this errs on the side of the heavy user. This is how they calculate your monthly payment and if you are not on your toes with meter readings, part of the information used to predict the rest of your bill. If this is the only information they have to go on monthly payment will escalate.

Finally, paperless billing puts the onus on the customer to log in and update the magic reading numbers, so schedule diary reminders to make sure you keep your charges as close to accurate as you can. This avoids your hard earned cash sitting in an energy companies account, earning them (albeit very low) interest, and hopefully saves you a few extra pennies.